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    Bouillabaisse à la mode Mumbai

    March 9th, 2021

    An indispensable ingredient is fresh flotsam (http://chef.diskstation.eu/product/fresh-flotsam/).

    Additionally get the following from your trusted local fishmonger:

    – 12 fresh sea urchins

    – three fresh cod heads and mussels


    Quickly sear some mirepoix, tomatoes, garlic and fennel and add the fishy stuff as well as the flotsam with some broth and a dry white rice wine of your choice. Let gently simmer for 60 min.

    Season with the hottest Madras curry powder available at your local Punjabi specialities store. Make sure the flotsam taste is completely masked, unless you are fond of  derisive or even caustic remarks by you dinner guests.
    Serve with a stale baguette as the suction effect is much more pronounced than with a fresh one.

    A buttered tea goes nicely with this!

    Always enjoy!

    Your Revered Chef

     

     

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    Côte de Baleine avec Choucroute

    March 9th, 2021

    Take a trip to your regional seaside resorts and look for freshly beached whales. Make sure that they are still in a state fit for human comsumption. Take a generous cut just above the midriff and make sure to keep the rib bone on the cut.

    Get a big frying pan and sear the cutlet on both sides until appetizingly browned. Transfer to oven at 180 deg C for 12 hours.

    In the meantime prepare the sauerkraut with chopped onions, juniper berries, bay leaves, salt and pepper. Let simmer with a shot of Riesling d’Alsace for approx. 45 min. Season to taste and serve with the whale chop. Serve parsley-sprinkled steamed potatoes as a side dish.

    A large glass of cod liver oil goes nicely with this!

    Always enjoy!

    Your Revered Chef

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    Des Crapauds dans le Trou (French Toad in the Hole)

    January 29th, 2021

    N.B. This special recipe should be reserved for the rare occasion that you have storks as dinner guests.

    As a variation on the all-time Yorkshire classic, please find below a frenchified version of „Toad in the Hole“. 

    Get some fresh toads (1-2 per person/stork) from your local pet shop. Make sure to get sound advice from the pet shop guy about the poisonousness of the species selected (it might otherwise totally ruin your delectable dinner experience).

    Let the toads leisurely soak in lukewarm water (2 cm depths) for about 2 hours.

    Find some unenclosed space and start building a hole (one per toad) by arranging puff pastry around it. Once done, bait the holes with some insects (your domestic cockroaches come in handy here) and let the unsuspecting toads enter the holes. Discourage the toads from leaving their holes by putting up miniature traffic lights (available at your local model railway shop, showing RED, of course) in front of them.

    Quickly swipe up, place on a baking tray and bake for 20 min in a preheated oven at 180° C.

    When done, sprinkle with finely chopped parsley and serve hot.

    An apple juice goes nicely with this!

    Always enjoy!

    Your Revered Chef

     

    4 Comments "

    Beignets en Graisse de Loutre

    January 28th, 2021
    Since the days of the German metaphysician, botanist and natural philosopher Hildegard von Bingen, it is a well-known fact that the fat of the common otter (Lutra lutra) is salubrious to your well-being, either applied as an ointment (to back, chest , abdomen or private parts) or taken enterally. So, why not combine the delicious with the healthy? Your Revered Chef has a brilliant solution:
     
    Get some fresh (mind you, it will turn rancid very quickly) otterfat from your local deli.
    Prepare a pâte a beignets and heat the clarified otterfat in a skillet to approx. 200 degrees C. Form the dough into small balls and slip into the heated fat. Let deep-fry for about 8 minutes, briefly degrease on a paper towel, and serve with a sprinkling of icing sugar.
     
    An aged Sauternes goes nicely with this.
     
    Always enjoy!
    Your Revered Chef

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    Des Rats en Pinard

    January 28th, 2021
    This is a classic from the days of the German siege of Paris in the 1870s.
     
    Encourage your ferrets to roam your garden and outbuildings to bring back some freshly killed rats ( about 2 per person). Skin and gut the rats. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and fill the abdominal cavity with some fresh sage leaves. Make sure to keep the tails thoroughly scaled and washed.
     
    Fry the rats in butter and add a good measure of French red wine as soon as golden brown. Let simmer at medium temperature.
     
    Heat some oil and deep-fry the tails until crispy. Serve rats and tails on a bed of steamed fennel.
     
    Mashed potatoes and mushy peas should be served as side dishes.
     
    A Beaujolais Nouveau goes nicely with this!
     
    Always enjoy!
    Your Revered Chef
     

    3 Comments "

    Saucisses grillés à la mode parapluie

    January 13th, 2021

    Get some fresh Saucisses at your favorite butcher. Take a standard umbrella, open it, and affix one Saucisse per spoke. Prepare your barbecue.

    When done, ram the handle into the embers. While letting the skin of the umbrella burn away, turn clockwise until the sausages are crispy and done.

    Serve with extremely hot mustard to mask the taste of burnt nylon.

    Enjoy with a couple of pints of India Pale Ale!

    Always enjoy!

    Your revered Chef

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    Des Asperges folies à la Milanaise

    July 20th, 2018

    Your Revered Chef is back from his well-deserved vacation and still reveling in tropical island dreams. But alas, back to culinary heavy labour!

    For “Des Asperges folies à la Milanaise” get some fresh asparagus from your local greengrocer. Steep in boiling water for about 2 hours, let drip-off and put aside.

    As the asparagus will have turned most mushy by then, throw away and head to your favourite local Italian restaurant and enjoy a Pizza Bicarbonata con Frizzante!

    Always enjoy!

    Your Revered Chef

    2 Comments "

    Your Revered Chef will take a break

    April 10th, 2018

    Your Revered Chef decided to take a break from the daily hassles of life in the gastronomic fast lane. He will be mixing business with pleasure by attending to a seminar on “Advanced Underwater Cardboard Welding” in the Maldives. Unbelievably, this time Your Revered Chef was denied the customary complimentary upgrade to First Class, which put a bit of a blemish on his traveling experience – shame on the airline about that!

    Reason behind this outing is the leaky lobster tank in Your Revered Chef’s new restaurant (http://chef.diskstation.eu/revered-chefs-new-restaurant-open/) which gives the lobsters plenty of chances to escape, meaning that they then have to be plucked laboriously from the decorative flora in the restaurant (an activity highly irritating to patrons and staff alike) before being dispatched appropriately in boiling salt water with a couple of bay leafs for the higher objective of culinary perfection.

    But alas, basking in the sun while being served ice-cold Mai Tais by tropical beauties and drafting fancy menus for the upcoming season really takes the chip off the daily hardships of a chef’s life – Your Revered Chef wonders about a potential extension of his stay here …

    Always enjoy!

    Your Revered Chef

    No Comments "

    Fake Long Pig Lūʻau Style

    March 11th, 2018

    At times when missionaries of various religious orientations still haunted the South Pacific islands and atolls, it has been said that having a missionary for a Lūʻau as the long pig was a major festivity for the indigenes. There are rumors that Catholic missionaries were far more succulent than Anglicans, but your Revered Chef can‘t vouch for that, at least not from personal experience.

    A succulent missionary

    Given his fond memories of Tiki parties, Your Revered Chef would like to propose a less cannibalistic version of the classic Long Pig Lūʻau, resorting to the famous Huli Huli style.

    Get a gingerbread man at your local sweetmeats trader and some fresh minced meat at your favorite local butcher.

    Cover the gingerbread man with the spiced (use allspice, salt & pepper) minced meat, while carefully tracing the original contours. Cover in banana leaves and put in the oven at 180°C for about 45 minutes. Serve hot with peanut sauce.

    An ice-cold Mai Tai goes nicely with this!

    Always Enjoy!

    Your Revered Chef

    1 Comment "

    Des Abats en Chocolate

    January 21st, 2017

    Your Revered Chef is again in his usual adventurous culinary mood and will present you with a seemingly truly disgusting dish: Des Abats en Chocolate!  But looks can be deceiving …

    Get some fresh abbatoir refuse from you local slaughterhouse and dark chocolate from your favorite candy store.

     

     

    Lightly simmer les abats in salted butter – preferably Beurre avec Sel de Guerande. Add some black pepper and a bay leaf. While the simmering is ongoing, melt the chocolate in a bain marie until liquid.

    Swiftly whisk the melted chocolate sauce into les abats and serve hot.

    A triple black Jamaican rum goes nicely with this!

    Always enjoy!

    Your Revered Chef

    1 Comment "